I am in the middle of writing my third album. My first two came after two eventful times in my life. Touch wood, nothing traumatic is about to happen to me. So I have decided to contrive some experiences.
That actually looks really stupid on paper. It might be really stupid.
But anyway, I have a list of experiences I have to go through this summer, and one of them is to believe in something I didn’t believe in before. So here we go, astrology.
I’ve started asking everyone what their star sign is, and trying to draw conclusions from this. I’ve noticed that there are not very many Aries in my life, but there are a lot of Scorpios. I always get on with Pisces and Capricorns. I tend to have weird friendships with Geminis. I’m pretty sure I can spot Leos and Virgos, but, hey, who can’t?
In the next few months I will be making decisions about relationships based on starsigns. If you’re a new friend, and you have the same starsign as any of my parents, siblings, best friends, or favourite ex-boyfriends, we are going to get along just fine. It’s written in the stars, and on my to-do list.
- Call British Gas / - Pick up guitar/ - Get on with other Scorpios
This morning I was in the studio working on some lyrics, and I decided that I wasn’t really feeling myself enough to write anything honest, so I decided that today was the day I would check my birth chart.
I Googled ‘free birth chart’, and I picked a website called CafeAstrology.com, typing in all the relevant details - born in Hong Kong, latitude of 22.300 degrees N; longitude 114/1667 degrees E, at 1 am (GMT +8), all of which matters - I typed in my birthday. I did not give my email address.
The tables I got back were pretty incomprehensible to me. Like apparently, the dark moon Lilith was 25.46 degrees in Aquarius when I was born. I’m not sure I was aware of a dark moon Lilith, though I assume she is something to do with Sarah McLachlan.
There was also stuff about the asteroids Juno, Ceres, Pallas, Vesta, Fortune - all of which sound like discarded ideas for ‘things you might name a Mitford sister’.
And yes, it made me laugh to see so much of Uranus on my natal chart.
But here’s the thing: the 3000 words that made up the interpretation of my chart were so completely applicable to me that I almost started crying (it’s me! it’s really about me!). I don’t think I’ll ever read anyone else’s natal chart, because I don’t want to see something in there that also applies to me, and then start thinking that maybe all of this chart stuff is written to be universal, so as to apply to anyone, and so that people like Jonathan Cainer can sit at home typing gibberish and eating lobster, counting up their loose cash and giving housewives a false sense of destiny.
I got the lyrics written though.
And yes, I think I might be just a little bit in love with love.
Maybe I do need to be more careful with my heart.
And I guess I *am* pretty great at a party.
After the natal chart experience, and after having read my ‘Leo in Scorpio Ascendant’ profile, where it describes me as such an awesome person I wanted to rejoin Facebook so I could upload it and tag myself, I decided it was time to bother the future for some answers. The next thing I Googled was ‘online fortune telling’.
I’ve played online Magic 8 Ball before, so I know how limited that website can be, and, JUST LIKE IN LIFE, how often the answer is ‘try again later’.
So I tried the I Ching instead.
The I Ching, or Book of Changes, is an ancient Chinese divining tool, and philosophical text. It is in general, I would say, not magic. The first couple of answers I got involved a horse, and a man called Kang, who made good on his friendship with the Emperor by multiplying his horses. This, I worked out, means he got his horses to mate, and not, as I originally thought, something different, something which could be better described as ‘multiplying with hishorses’.
The whole answer to my first question, which I won’t tell you because it’s sad, was this:
Hexagram 35, Advancing
‘Advancing, Prince Kang used a gift of horses to breed a multitude. In the course of a day, he mated them three times.’
Prince Kang was the brother of Wu, the Martial King who became first ruler of the Zhou dynasty. He supported him faithfully, and Wu rewarded him with a gift of horses.
So when you are like Kang, you have remarkable gifts of strength and inspiration: gifts as beautiful as horses, that enable you to travel further and faster. You are popular; you are blessed. Kang did not just sit back and admire his horses; he worked intensively to multiply them and magnify the gift. To be truly blessed, you need to act accordingly; to advance and prosper, you need to seize all you are given as an opportunity.
Which really wasn’t an answer. But it did make me feel curiously connected with Kang, and his horse brothel, and all the people who have ever used the I Ching, some of whom, I guess are my ancestors from Amasia. Also my dad, who I think dabbled a little with this stuff during his acid years.
It also made me feel curiously connected with the cast of Hair.
My next question drew the answer:
‘Light comes forth over the earth: Advancing. A noble one’s own light shines in her character.’
Which is probably why I’m so great at parties.
Next I am going to throw a seance. Watch this space.
FOOTNOTE: I got Heledd to look up her birth chart, and it was almost exactly the same as mine. Turns out it wasn’t the story of my life. I’m just ‘sample size’ for Horoscopes.
FOOTNOTE 2: My Goddaughter Boo was born last week. She’s a Gemini. We’re good, Geminis. We’re good.